Ava goosy

[deanl]

oops oops oops

[ickle_jim]

ok... here goes
good stuff man, very entertaining to read, i have a few suggestions tho...

"The Fontua is an imaginary line that stretches the length of the northern glaciers." Why does the dude tell the people that when they are all obviously experts and will be briefed? It doesnt add up!

Perhaps the biggest way to make this scene more dramatic is... im guessing the woman has delibrately sabataged the mission? if thats the case you wanna make it more obvious. Like perhaps have her shoot the other dude when he wants to abort things. He is dead, she presses the light, oh no they all jump out to thier death! [img]wink.gif[/img]

If that doesnt fit in with the rest of the plot ignore me [img]smile.gif[/img]

[GREATwarEAGLE]

Of all the stuff you've written, including the sometimes moronic, immature quips in your posts, this script was the most enjoyable. You ended it perfectly, not a moment too soon. And not a moment too late. I got a little confused on who's who, but that always happens in an ensemble script.

I'm not gonna make any specific recommendations for improvement. Because you won't actually put them to use, and nor should you. Show me a writer who does.

I sure as h*ll don't.

[emjen]

interesting first 10 pages. its going to be an adventure movie with the people all haveing exciting adventures innit? Are there going to be bears and penguins too?

Ok ignore that. The first 6 pages werent that interesting. There was some suspense created because we saw that the wrong map was put into place. But when they were going to drop and that it got interesting. Jeah. Its just that looking at a movie placed in cold snow for two hours just doesnt look that interesting to me. Snow is pretty boring. Why not jungle? Jungles are more exciting right? They have monkeys.

[ickle_jim]

i like snow [img]rolleyes.gif[/img]

[deanl]

oops oops oops